Oh, So You Live Here Now?

So she has slept over a few times and now she's getting a little comfortable. Without realizing, you have let her accumulate a whole bunch of her possessions in YOUR house. Is she paying rent? Because if she's not she should probably get her toothbrush out of your bathroom.

She has started to hang up her towel instead of just throwing it in the laundry - she really showers here that often? Does she pay the water bill? She has a suitcase full of clothes like she's on holiday - not a little suitcase, I mean she has more clothes than me in that thing. At least she hasn't taken over the clo... Why are there female jackets hanging up in my closet? Did she just call it "OUR closet?"

I just peed on the toilet seat, but how did that happen? I always leave the toilet seat up - has she changed the rules in MY house? Is she going to start telling me to take my elbows off the table when I eat? Do I have to do the dishes regularly now? Do I have to make my bed? Hold up... Did we become official without me knowing?

This phenomenon is becoming increasingly popular in young relationships, offenders getting labelled with "creeper status," and victims being placed on suicide watch. Is there a way to avoid this type of tomfoolery? I can't say for sure, but I can say that there is a way to reverse it. However, there is no room for the evaluation of the other person's feelings, you just have to act. You may be thinking that there is some ingenious way to reverse what seems irreversible, but it is just common sense. Pack her shit up. Ask her if there is a ring on her finger. Then ask her how much she paid for last months rent. This can go a number of ways:

1) She may burst into tears, say she never wants to talk to you again and leave. Then call you back later apologizing for her overreaction, understanding that she is not your girlfriend and that she does not need to be sneakily moving into your house.

2) She may be like, "Well I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" "No."

3) Or she will simply say, "Okay," walk out the front door, and smash your car with her 9 iron.

Don't sleep with girls that keep an "extra 9 iron" in their car. You are destined for trouble. How did you not know she was crazy?

Don't put all the blame on the girl, however, if you have been offering her free board and food and water, you can't act like she is the crazy one. It is you who is crazy. If you want a lady friend to live with you, you better be related to her, or in a serious relationship. I don't mean "Oh my God, we've been dating for 6 months, we're getting kind of serious!" I mean you have been together for like 4 years and you are thinking about (God forbid) marriage, or just moving in together to improve your financial situation.

Catch them early, sneakily moving in slowly to your bachelor pad, and put a stop to it. Unless her 9 pretty friends are moving in with her. No golf bags.