Have you ever met someone out, or had an extra friendly
waiter/salesperson, who seems to really take a liking to you? By the end of
your encounter they’re already calling you ‘bestie’ or asking you for
relationship advice after divulging entirely too much information. Are you
giving these people the wrong idea, or is it habitual?
From
what I have observed, these people are repeat offenders, almost having a
compulsive need to be liked by
anyone and everyone they encounter. What a brutal way to live; going day to day
trying to impress everyone you meet, wanting, needing them to like you as a
person for no reason whatsoever. We all have friends like this (probably the
ones that complained when you shifted them in your MySpace ‘Top 8’), and we
have all had occasions when we have met strangers like this – but are they
aware of how they live?
Individuals
who live with a constant need for external validation must be in a constant
state of anxiety, just wondering, “Does this person like me?” “What can I do to
make them like me?” “What can I buy them?” “I’m so mad/disappointed in myself,
I don’t think they like me as much as I like them.” It has to be torturous. To
be in a constant state of uncertainty not only about yourself, but about how
others perceive you.
Typically,
when we start a new friendship we open up layer by layer slowly but surely
until we get to our core – see The Onion Metaphor. But in this case, we
see someone stripping right to the core without warning, overwhelming to the
recipient of all the uninhibited and unasked for personal information. This can
create a strange dynamic between the two involved in this relationship,
regardless of the intentions. This strange dynamic can start a long and brutal
cycle.
So we
have discussed that these individuals need validation. So once they freak you
out a little bit with their info-dump upon first meeting, you may become
slightly stand-offish. They can obviously sense this, leading to heightened
anxiety and an increased need for validation – causing them to reach out harder
and harder, consequently forcing you to become more and more distant. It’s not
pretty.
Of
course, there are exceptions! Some people do the whole ‘bestie’ thing from day
one and it sticks – but we get vibes from people, share their energy, their
passion, their personality, and we just know we like them (romantically or
platonically). We will talk about that another time..
