We have created the “check-in” so that our
partners don’t feel the need to “check-up”. In relationships there are
boundaries. These boundaries must remain respectful and comfortable for both
parties. Now we’ve all experienced or witnessed the badgering questions; “Where
are you?” “Who are you with?” “What are you doing?” “How late will you be?”
“Why are you with them?” “When did you decide that?” And this type of
interrogation can often lead to a bit of resentment, so we have created an alternate
channel to keep respect and comfort in tact – “The check-in.”
In
this scenario, the person who is out and about makes the call or sends the
text, “Hey sweetie, just finished dinner now headed out for drinks. Love you
xx” This way the person who is at home doesn’t need to be ‘bad cop’ and slam
their hands on the table throughout the interrogation. It appears as if the
caller is volunteering this information freely with a little, “I’m still
thinking about you!” attitude, making the partner at home comfortable and
satisfied. Truthfully, there is still a little bit of, “I better send this text
or else I’ll hear about it later.” in there.
Each
of these options is as bad as the other, since the person going out feels as if
they will get punished if they do not comply. In the ideal world I would
suggest a mutual respect within a relationship, where you understand
that the rules change upon entering said relationship. You are no longer
completely an individual; however you are also not completely enmeshed. Social plans with other couples will become a big thing, as will
making plans together. However, that time away from each other to be with
friends (maybe without the constant
check-ins and with trust) is key.
