Doin’ Too Much

                If you are in the bridal-wear store trying on dresses and you’re not even ENGAGED! You’re doin’ too much.

                If you take your boyfriend shopping and ‘coincidently’ drop in to the jewelry store as a little ‘hint’. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you have names picked out for your non-existent children. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you end your text messages or emails with, “xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,” or “<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333,” or any other variation. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you and your partner have matching tattoos, or tattoos of each other’s names. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you get jealous when your partner says a celebrity is hot. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you’re single and you buy yourself flowers because you’re jealous of the flowers your friends with boyfriends have. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you cry after sex. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you sit in your room alone, watching the notebook, eating chocolates, on Valentine’s day. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you say “I love you,” on the phone and you have to say, “say I love you too.” You’re doin’ too much.

                If you have to ask, “How much do you love me?” You’re doin’ too much.

                If you’re a dirty desperado. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you’ve got your titties out in winter because you can’t compete in summer.  Props. But you’re doin’ too much.

                If you stuff your bra. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you play hard-to-get for 6 months. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you’re still chasing someone who has been playing hard-to-get for 6 months. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you try to cuddle during what is obviously a one-night-stand. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you have an uncontrollable need for PDA. You’re doin’ too much.

                If you feel like you don’t get enough attention from guys so you try to do OD shit for attention like: randomly try to dance sexy to no music in an inappropriate situation, talk a gang of dirty shit that no one really believes you’ve done, yell instead of using your inside voice, or accidentally spill water on your white tee and try to blow it to dry it and consequently make your nipples cold/hard. You’re doin’ too much.