Phone Sex

In our increasingly technological society, distance is no longer a reason for abstinence or cheating. Phone sex, Skype sex, sexting, all brilliant inventions for horny couples battling distance. But what happens when one partner is not available to engage in virtual-coitus?

                Voicemail. If I ever hear about voicemail or answering machine sex I will track down the culprit and destroy their phone and possibly their sex drive. We already spend more time talking to our phones than we do talking to people, let’s try and keep intercourse intimate and face to face.

                There are some people who we can just talk on the phone with all night. It’s hard to hang up and when we finally do hang up at 4am, we still feel the need to send them a text afterwards. What is the post-phone sex etiquette? Do we send a text saying, “haha that was awesome! So much fun we should do that more often.” Ew.

                If you have a considerable distance between you and one of you does not like the idea of phone sex or anything related, is that person considered a prude? Is the talk about taking one’s phone sex virginity anything like the talk about taking one’s legitimate virginity? Phone sex can be a great way to keep the flame burning when there is a duration of time that a couple is separated, but I don’t think it is essential, nor do I think it can replace the intimacy and immediacy of true sexual intercourse.

                When you live in the same neighborhood I see no advantage to phone sex whatsoever. I actually see more of a chance of malicious, immature, conniving behavior. Friends listening in on the line, pictures being sent around, phone calls being recorded and played to people. Have I witnessed this kind of behavior? Sure. Have I been a part of this kind of behavior? No comment. Have I been victimized by this type of behavior? Never, I’m not an idiot.