Females with a below average intellectual ability have a
sickening tendency to use these two words incorrectly. My intent is not to be
sexist, men do it too but it is extremely rare.
“Seriouslyyyy!”
Ugh, I shudder at the thought of this word being used in place of a sentence.
If conversation is so weak that at some point I need to vocalize my observation
that it is cold outside, please humor me and say something back with some sort
of substance, “I know! Last time it was this cold my pet Wooly Mammoth caught
pneumonia!” That would be interesting, something entertaining and memorable to
make me realize that my conversation starter was weak. “Seriously!” just won’t
cut it.
Since I
chose the enthralling weather example for seriously, I guess I will stick with
it for literally. Please never, ever tell me that it’s so cold you’re literally
dying – unless you want me to call an ambulance. Do we all know what literally means? Literally means you are
speaking in a strict sense, with no exaggeration or inaccuracy. So if you tell
me you are literally dying, it means
I should do whatever I can to help you. If you literally peed your pants laughing, it means you laughed so hard
that you lost control of your bladder and urinated while fully clothed. If
something literally tastes like shit,
it means you have in fact tasted shit before and whatever you are eating now is
comparable to that taste.
“Like, seriouslyyy, it’s like sooo cold out right now, I’m literally
like going to pass out. Like seriously.”
If that is how you talk. Go
ahead. Just do me a favor and don’t talk to me. If I hear you say things like
this I will literally cringe and
tell you to shut the fuck up – in all seriousness.
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