Facebook Official

In today’s society we hear a rumor and look at our online social networks for clarification. Is this the best way to confirm unknown information? I don’t think so.

                “Did you hear Rachel and Dave broke up?”
                “No! When did that happen?”
                “I don’t know, but they aren’t together on facebook anymore.”

                Facebook though? That’s the gospel now. If you aren’t facebook official, you aren’t in a real relationship – you’re probably just “seeing” each other. It is hard to believe that this is not only accepted by our generation, but encouraged. I asked my friend the other day how he and his girl were doing. He proceeded to tell me that they were alright, “Nothing serious though, it’s not like we’re facebook official.” Needless to say, I wanted to pull his teeth out.

                ‘Facebook official’ shouldn’t only be in regard to relationship status. Since facebook and twitter are now used therapeutically by people who think they have problems, people read depressing statuses and literally believe people might be ready to inflict self harm. Obviously there are some people out there who do need help. To those people, search somewhere other than social networks for help. And for people just seeking attention, with no real problems – take a second to think about what true disadvantaged people have to go through. They don’t have time to bitch and moan on social networks because they are trying to find food and shelter for the night. Put your ‘problems’ in perspective, if you are that desperate for attention – go act crazy in the mall or something. I promise people will watch.

                The true problem with facebook is that it is a relationship destroyer. Crazy, insecure, clingy, needy girlfriends want your password? Nope. That shit simply does not fly. When we refuse to give our password, the assumption is that we are cheating. However, it is only logical not to give out your password. If everyone was supposed to have access to our facebook profiles, we wouldn’t need passwords now would we?

                Once you are in a romantic relationship, every girl that posts on your wall is trying to fuck you. They are disrespecting the girl you are with by openly trying to talk to you by posting on your wall. They pose an instant threat by saying they miss you. And god-forbid they sign off with an ‘x’ – what a slut. If you reply, you intend to sleep with her. If you write back and sign off with an ‘x’ – you may as well have cheated on your girl.

                Delete a post from your wall and you are trying to hide something. Prepare for interrogation and hide all the sharp objects in the house. Post something on a girl’s wall – flee the country. Become friends with new females – you are basically running an escort service. Post or receive a VIDEO, call suicide watch. Call her work, call her parents, call her friends, find out where she is, make sure she is safe, put her in a padded room until the storm passes. You think that’s bad? I DARE you to like a picture. I. Dare. You.

We take facebook a little too seriously. People often post things as jokes. Our friends often jump on when we are not in the room and haze us. However, we believe everything we read like it’s fucking CNN. Relax and learn the difference between reality and virtual reality. If you have to ask, “Is he/she serious?” Then wait a minute before you believe it.