The Catcher/Faller Conundrum

The situation I am about to describe blew my mind when I thought about it. Have you ever tried to figure out a riddle and got so worked up about it that your mind just loops? When I was coming up with this blog I confused myself, so I hope I can figure out a way to explain this without giving you a concussion.

                There are people out there who are very in touch with their emotions. “Yoo, I think I’m falling for her bro,” or “I caught feelings,” are some common ways of describing how we feel about our new romances. Thinking about this made me realize; fallers and catchers are the same thing. Subsequently, who is supposed to catch you when you fall, when catchers are falling also? I know, I know, deep shit.

                Now the reason I wanted to write about this was to try and answer the question of why we let our feelings spiral out of control like this, especially when we are at our sexual prime (well us men anyway). Is it a lack of companionship? Are we just tired of jumping from person to person? Or has society conditioned us into thinking that it is just what we are supposed to do?

                In one of my earlier blogs, THE HOLLYWOOD EFFECT, I describe why women romanticize almost excessively, but I have been ignorant to males becoming increasingly romantic. Just recently I have been talking to my friends about their romantic lives and it surprised me how many of them have turned a page and have so much more respect for women and can see their girls in the future etc. When I asked them what had changed, I was almost disappointed in their answers. I suspect that they may have been twisting their stories to save face and not sound soft as baby food.

                “I don’t want to just be in my room by myself all the time.” I translated that into, “I enjoy her company and when she is not around I forget what to do with myself.”

                “I’ve been hanging out with the guys’ non-stop for 15+ years.” I translated that into, “The conversations we have are meaningful and I enjoy taking the time to find out who she really is.”

                “I don’t smoke as much weed when I’m with her.” I translated that into, “I enjoy being with her so much that I don’t need drugs to improve the environment.”

                “She’s so hot bro.” I translated that into, “I’m whipped man, but I can’t tell you that because you will make fun of me so I’ll just act like I’m only in it for sex when really I think I’m in love with her soul.”

                I never came up with a conclusive answer as to why there is an increasing percentage of men getting involved in fairytale romance, but I am sure there is an increase. Will I research this? No. However I am always observing and I’m sure I will observe an answer soon enough. Until then, remember life is short, but not so short that you need to end it now.

Pet Peeve #2 – Happy Birthday Wall Post

When it is someone’s birthday, if you did not know it was their birthday or you are not friends with them, do not write happy birthday on their wall like you miss them. If you see someone and tell them happy birthday, do not write on their wall afterwards. If you said happy birthday in the morning, you do not need to say happy birthday every time you see them for the rest of the day. Do less.

If you are really someone’s friend you have their number, so call them, text them, or here’s something crazy: see them! And please, don’t call, text, facebook, tweet, and email them. One is fine, as long as it is not via social network. That’s cheating. Social networks tell you people’s birthdays. That is why there are so many fake people out there that are able to talk shit about you, but still act like they were thinking about you on your birthday. I would rather get one text from one real friend than 2000 “happy bday clay” wall posts. You couldn’t even capitalize my name on my birthday? The anniversary of when I was brought in to existence? You couldn’t capitalize? But you still took the time to write almost nothing on my wall didn’t you? So I can’t be mad. Yes. I. Fucking. Can.

There are exceptions. People who are overseas may write a happy birthday wall post. It can get costly to call and text from overseas, I can understand that. But you better capitalize, believe that. And try to do more than “happy bday x” or “happy bday clay have a good one.” Punctuate. Tell a joke. Capitalize my fucking name. Remember birthday cards? Send one. Send a corny birthday card.. But that’s a totally separate pet peeve.

Why We Play the Game

They say “nothing worth having comes easy.” I say there is an exception to every rule. Playing games for days, weeks, even months to try and get with someone is ridiculous. There are so many unwritten rules about trying to get with someone:


·         Always wait at least as long as you had to wait for a text before you send a text.
·         Never text first.
·         Stay away from “xx”
·         Wait for at least 3 rings before you answer her calls so it looks like your busy.
·         Only one question mark per message.
·         Your message should be shorter than their message.
·         Never send two in a row.
·         Do not try to arrange a date on the first text.

Whoever made these rules was obviously ballin’… Not. I mean, there is a certain text etiquette we should probably follow – you already know how I feel about the DOUBLE BACK! But if you have the time to follow all these rules, and you have to sit and watch your phone ring to pretend you’re busy – you are a LAME.

As for the “nothing worth having comes easy” saying, would it not be a colossal disappointment to put in work playing all these preposterous games, get the girl, and find out she is actually a GIANT douche!? This is why this game routine has to change. If I straight up told someone I like them, I would be considered weird. What’s weird is that we have this compulsion to play juvenile games without getting to know each other until later. If we could just be honest and tell people, “I want to hook up with you,” or, “I like you,” wouldn’t everything be so much simpler? At least we would know where we stand and with who. I know this won’t change, so go ahead and disappoint each other with your juvenile games. I will remain the quiet observer.

Pet Peeve #1 – The Stop and Chat

First and foremost I would like to make it clear that I have no problem with a stop and chat with my friends. However, if we are not that close and I don’t really know you, we met once while we were out – you are on, “Hey!” and keep walking status. Unless we have been properly introduced and had a conversation a stop and chat is not on the cards. For a stop and chat I need some background information to keep the conversation rolling.

Stop and chats can be awkward and horrible. Awkward pauses will be the death of me. When I try to walk by someone and give them a polite hello, the awkwardness begins when they want to keep a conversation going by yelling after me. And if I don’t stop I’m the asshole? We have to stop and chat now like there’s all this information that needs to be shared.

The artificial small talk in the stop and chat is inexcusable. If you are going to stop me I need a good reason, give me something substantial. Mondays. Mondays I might stop and chat with you. There might be some news from the weekend, some gossip, maybe a funny story. I need to be enticed by the conversation in a stop and chat; otherwise I may never stop again. The little chit-chat, I don’t like it, I like to have real conversations with people.

I have a terrible habit. It almost welcomes the stop and chat. When people say, “Hey!” when we are passing, I much too often respond with “Hey! How are ya?” What do I expect from this? They can either; be rude and ignore my question and we can go our separate ways, or they can stop me and tell me how they are and immediately we are engaged in a stop and chat flooded with the futile exchange of the smallest of talk. Evidently I need a new go-to response to “Hey!” Who would’ve thunk it?

The Double Transgression Theory

When a dog pees inside it knows it’s in trouble, so on its way to the doghouse it will jump up on the kitchen table and get some food on the way out. It is already in trouble and knows it will not get in any more trouble, so why not do a string of bad things and just get punished once?

                How does this theory work in intimate relationships? Well, let’s say your significant other went through your phone and found out you’ve been seeing someone else. Your probably knee deep in the shit after that right? So this theory says that if you proceeded to have relations with girl #2, you would only get punished once for both misdeeds.

                If this is the case, what is to stop us from acting up and wandering off on our partners? Every day we see people forgive their partners for deception and other traitorous acts. The double transgression theory gives people incentive to hurt people twice because they know they will only get punished once. Sure, you will be on the leash for a while, but the trust will eventually be completely regained, only to be lost again – twice.

                I walk around the dining hall on Tuesdays and see no trays. It’s “trayless Tuesday”. They give us no trays in an effort to save water. Here is an obscure analogy for you. If women (college chicks) could take a leaf out of trayless Tuesday’s book and attempt not to give the coochi up so easy for one day a week – they would save themselves. All us males see from day to day is a thirst like no other. The respect for women drops and we think we can treat them however we want, with no consequences – twice. If you respect yourselves, we are more inclined to respect you back. I see females let guys hurt them way too often, but they let it happen. With some more self respect and confidence, you can help us help you. No matter who you are, where you come from, or what you look like; you should never be anyone’s door mat.

                Do not let people get off the hook due to double transgression theory. Players fuck up, but don’t let it become a habit.

Hindsight 20-20

Have you ever looked back on your actions and thought you could have handled a situation a little better than you did? Over the Summer I found myself thinking about my behavior and thinking in retrospect I either shouldn’t have even acted on what I was feeling, or could have acted differently. This was happening way too often and consequently I am now teaching myself to delay gratification and think a little harder and longer before I make decisions.

                Since making a conscious effort to improve my decision making and reduce the chance of future regrets, I have been taking more notice of people embarrassing themselves. Alcohol is not the only reason people act impulsively, I have been witnessing some silly shit in sober situations. How about I share some of this ridiculousness with you?

                I was in the gym working out on a Sunday morning. This is not the time or place to pour your heart out to your best friend about your romantic life. I was lifting on the bench next to them and the kid spotting was talking about how much he loves his girl and that he was thinking of telling her. He then proceeded to tell the guy that the way he felt was “indescribable” and he could see her being his wife. He didn’t even lower his voice while he was saying all of this, there is no way I was the only witness. And hey, good for him, but this is a gym session, not a therapy session.

                Huge, elaborate, bold acts of romance need to start being planned better. If you want to make a scene to get your old girl back, or you want to propose in public; MAKE SURE YOU ARE 100% SURE YOUR GESTURE WILL WORK. It is uncomfortable to watch people getting rejected in public. I don’t like to feel embarrassed for other people.

                Remember that looking back on something, you will always have knowledge that you didn’t have at the time of your actions. To help yourself out, try to get some extra information – or at least make sure that you know you want to do what you are about to do before you act. Everything is so much clearer in hindsight, just keep in mind that there are no rough drafts in real life and actions speak louder than words.

Next Level Narcissism

Just who does our generation think they are? Recently I have experienced behaviors amongst my peers, which have made me question my own personal conduct. Incidentally, my first week of school in my personality psychology class – I learnt that people born in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s have an inordinate fascination with themselves. This is not a coincidence, we have been raised in a world where the losing team also gets a trophy, we get academic certificates for ‘participation,’ and we never saw the letter ‘F’ on our report cards. Self-esteem is important and healthy in the correct amount, but having witnessed narcissistic behavior more and more over the past few years; it has been good to learn of a possible reason for this excessive self love.

                “What behavioral observations have you made to make you accept the above as true?” you might ask. Well, primarily there is an undying obsession with money and the need to be rich. The old saying, “Money doesn’t buy happiness,” is not just a corny anecdote. You can disagree all you want, but my one proof that wealth and happiness are not a package – Hollywood. One of my favorite actors, Will Smith, is currently going through a split with his wife Jada Pinkett. They have no shortage of currency and as happy as they may look in interviews and on the red carpet, behind closed doors was obviously a different story. So, watching people steal, cut off friends and family to become workaholics, and gamble for the chance to make a little bit of extra coin makes me stop to think – where is the line between the desire to be successful and the hunger for money?

                I have become aware that for the people in my generation, individual needs come before everything. This can be a good thing, but it seems to me that our needs are becoming more material than anything, even survival. People will literally stop eating to become thinner, without thinking about how they have been born into such a privileged society and that food should not be taken for advantage. Image has become such a large part of our lives that it can corrupt us, and I don’t just mean our physical image. People are so fixated on the “it’s who you know” phenomenon, that they don’t use who they know for anything useful. They get to skip lines in clubs and get free drinks. They get to post their photos on facebook with their almost-famous friends. And they get to tell stories about the celebrities they met, although there is no proof. Congratulations big-shot, I don’t know how you find so much time to go out every night except Monday, you know, with your big-time job and all. Oh. No?

                Before you get started on occupational status – I’ll get started. Being a student, future careers come up more often than not in conversation. Now, I don’t know exactly what I want to do when my basketball career officially ends, but I have some ideas. However, when I ask people what they want to do, it disappoints me to hear, “Anything, as long as I’m wearing a suit in business class.” Good plan. Your dream job is to dress to match your narcissistic view that you are above anyone around you. I’ve got news for you – you can play dress-up right now without getting paid for it.

                Being a young man engaging in conversations about romantic relationships at least once per day, I have come to realize that we hurt people who love us, and love people who hurt us. The other popular saying that matches this realization is, “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen.” It’s a cold world out there and with the way my generation acts collectively, it won’t be getting any warmer any time soon.