Pet Peeve #22 - #YOLO

Hashtag, yolo. A movement I cannot even express how much I do not want to be a part of. “You only live once!” An age old expression, it was once used to motivate when people were acting like conservative little killjoys. Now acronymized into, “yolo,” and used as an excuse to act a fool.

                “You only live once,” does not mean, “drink as much as you can.” When I get offered a shot and I politely decline, the words, “C’mon, nigga, yolo!” are not going to make me rethink my decision.

                When you wake up next to a fat girl with cake all over her face and three used condoms next to your bed, “Fuck it, yolo.” does not excuse the filth that was your Saturday night.

                When you overdose on cocaine because you thought doing it in a sauna was more fun than doing it in a safe (and I use the word “safe” loosely) environment. If I speak at your funeral, your mother will not accept your idiotic death because of “yolo.”

                Not only do people use yolo as an excuse to act retarded, but sometimes they just feel the need to say it. Like they can’t even help it. Like it’s a reflex action, like a sneeze or something. I was in a conversation today where I was rudely interrupted by a more-than-obnoxious, “WHAT’S GOOD!?” I said, “Chillin, man. What’s good with you?” I fucking kid you not, I couldn’t even make this up, he straight faced told me, “You know I’m out here yolo.” I almost apologized because it seemed like a disability. A disability too many suffer from – “Yolosis.”

Thanks for the contagion, Wheechair Jimmy.

Liar Liar

People lie, and they lie about things that are not even worth lying about. Why? None of us are happy with who we are. We lie to make ourselves seem better, maybe not even for who we are verbally lying to, but for ourselves.

                When we get complimented on a job well done, a simple smile and a “thank you!” should be the standard response. However, it is more common to say, “Oh I just got lucky!” even though you know too well that you put in the work required to do a good job. Why do we downplay our achievements so readily?

              Is it that we want people to believe that we have a Fairy Godmother watching over us and making sure we succeed? Or is it that if we pretend that we don’t try, when we succeed in something it appears to come naturally? Perhaps neither of these is the answer, especially for women. Girls in society today are quick to pull the trigger on the bitch label. If they hear someone talking about a good grade there will be a bit of behind the back cattiness, “Like, oh my God, what a conceited bitch! She thinks she’s like, so much better than us!” Since it is this easy to develop a nasty little label for yourself, it is no wonder that people downplay their accomplishments.

                Since we get so much practice lying about trivial things in our personal lives, it is no wonder that we think we can get away with anything with just a simple fib.

                “Mom, I’m just staying at Billy’s House tonight.” (Getting hammered at a house party)
                “No, you didn’t wake me.” *Croaky voice, wiping sleep out of eye*
                “I have to get up early tomorrow.” (I don’t want you to stay here)
                “I’m single.” (I’m about to cheat)
                “I didn’t have sex with her!” (I had sex with her)
                “I do.” (I got hoes in different area codes)

                As you can see, little lies turn into big lies, but somehow they just get easier and easier to tell. This is a problem that will get much worse before it gets better. We get taught to always be honest, but we grow up watching people lie, learning from them, perfecting the art. Each generation is better at lying. At this rate my grandchildren will be convincing me that they were the first men on the moon.

                Good luck wading through all the bullshit that gets thrown at you on a daily basis. Be honest if you are capable, hopefully we learn better to accept the truth for what it is, rather than put fiction on a pedestal.

Pet Peeve #21 – What?

Nothing grinds my gears more than when I ask someone a question and they say, “What?” and then proceed to answer my question. What sense does that make? Absolutely none.

                I have heard countless excuses for this foul behavior; “I just needed time to think,” “I didn’t hear you then I figured out what you said.” There are no excuses for this. It is inexcusable. You will not be excused. If someone says something and you don’t hear it, “I beg your pardon?” “Excuse me?” “I’m sorry?” “Pardon me?” are some less-neandertholic ways of saying, “WhAt!?” or “HuH?!”

                If for some reason your simple little brain works so slowly that it can’t even recognize speech without a 10 second break, just give yourself a second before you answer instead of saying, “What? Yeah!”

                If you heard what I said, respond with just the answer. If you need a little time to think, make a thinking face so I know what is taking you so long. Not a good actor? Can’t make a thinking face? I might even accept “Ummm…” to buy you some time.

                “What’s your favorite color?”
                “What? Blue”

                I refuse to be a part of conversations like these any longer.

Solid Someone

Through hard times we seek guidance. We make an attempt to find reason in why certain things may be happening to us. We say, “Everything happens for a reason,” as a means of protecting our expectations. We find comfort in fictitious rationality. We spend so much time trying to protect ourselves. Trying to protect ourselves from disappointment. Trying to protect ourselves from pain. All of this ‘protection’ is a marathon, a marathon not worth winning. As we run, life chases us. If we don’t let it catch up, we run out of time to live it. When it all falls down, all we need is someone solid. Someone who can make you smile no matter what. Someone who can make you forget about everything with just one kiss. Someone who can just make nothing else matter. Ironically, this is often the same person we run from.

                I have a tendency to front like things don’t faze me as much as they do. In the face of adversity I take pride in challenging my obstacles head on. This is a tendency I think I share with many others. However, I do recognize when I need support and I know who to go to. I pick up the phone and there are people I know who can help me think straight, help me believe in myself, help me stay motivated, help me be me. But there is another level of support, the support we seek for the majority of our existence. A solid someone who you can lean on when you don’t feel like you can go on. Someone who doesn’t even need to talk to make you feel better, just their embrace is enough to reenergize you.

                Finding this person is like winning the lottery. Everyone has it in them to be this person for someone, but it is a responsibility we only wish to give to a worthy candidate. When we can be honest with ourselves and with this person, there is nothing to be afraid of, internally or externally. Honesty makes for a successful relationship. Honesty makes for fearless communication. Honesty means realness. Finding this person is a feeling second to none. This person is cool. You can talk about anything and everything. This person shares your interests. They make you feel warm when you need heat. They make you smile. You miss them the moment they leave the room. Their kiss is an inexplicably inspiring energy. They make you a believer.

                “My rock,” “My shoulder to cry on.” People realize the importance of this person, no question. But do they realize how long they search for them? Do they realize who it is when they have them? It’s arguable. Struggling through adversity and having someone there to help, whether they know they’re helping or not, changes everything. How can looking someone in the eyes make everything just seem so simple? Stumbling upon this real-life magic 8 ball is a gift that makes birthdays and Christmas forever insignificant. Fate? Destiny? Divine intervention? Believe in what you want to believe in. Karma? Maybe. Luck? Create your own. Solid.