It is a common belief that interpersonal violence is rare and new. However, compared to 50 years ago, it may seem like abuse rates have raised, but this is misleading. It is now a law to report to the authorities when you think there is reason to believe you know someone is a victim of domestic violence. This includes school teachers who think children are being abused at home, and first in charge at the workplace when they believe a woman (or man) who works for them is a victim. With more reports like this in the last half-century, obviously statistics will look like there is more violence now than ever, but in reality there is the same amount of violence, but with more awareness.
People often hang on to the perception that child abuse is confined to ‘sick’ people. Realistically only 10% of child abusers are mentally unstable. As a society we distance ourselves from abuse because we are not sick, and most of the people we know are not sick. But as I said above, we are the most likely candidates for abusive relationships.
Contrary to popular belief, abusive relationships are not confined to lower socioeconomic classes. It is more prevalent in the lower classes, but it is still very existent in the upper class. Violence is a primary reason for divorce 40% of the time in low class relationships and 25% of the time in upper class relationships. People who live in upper class situations often live in houses that are very separate from their neighbors, thus they cannot be heard when having a domestic dispute and it is not reported. Conversely, people in lower class situations often live in apartments close to one another, where any loud or abusive behavior is heard, witnessed, and reported.
It is frequently believed that abuse cannot be predicted. This is not true; there are several traits that most abusers share. People who abuse tend to be immature, depressed, have a family with a closed structure (isolated from the community), live in highly stressful situations with low tolerance, have low self esteem, have been brought up in domestic violence situations, often unemployed (cannot get job/lost job), unmarried to whom they abuse, a different religion, and it is usually the mother who is more likely to abuse the child. The last fact here is interesting because most people would assume otherwise. The mother is usually the abuser because the baby reminds them of a hated male in their life (their father/baby’s father), or simply because they are around the child more in stressful situations due to the male being at work or otherwise. People often think that love and violence do not co-exist, but these women most of the time do love their babies. Love and violence actually co-exist tremendously.
“Why doesn’t he/she just leave the relationship?” Because it is not as easy to believe as people think. Victims are often unable to leave because of financial reasons, they have been isolated from family and friends by their abuser, they are made to feel like no-one else wants them by their abusers, and they often fear that they will be killed if they leave their abusers.
Media is a common perpetrator for making us believe that drugs and alcohol cause abuse. Drugs and alcohol are involved in a certain percentage of abuses, but it is not the sole cause. I don’t just go around slapping women every time I drink, and I hope that you don’t either. People who abuse their partners while under the influence are often also influenced by other factors.
If you are a victim of abuse and you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to, you do.
888-743-5754
You do not deserve to be a victim. And if you are, it does not have to go on. Make the call and get all the support you can.
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