Commitment

            So what is commitment? In communication it is a reliance or dedication to any given relationship. As I have stated in previous blogs, intimacy of relationships depend on attraction, identity needs, and history or environment. We all have countless relationships, but how committed are we to them?

            We have three choices: we can want to be committed, have to be committed, or ought to be committed. Obviously wanting to be committed is self explanatory. When you have to be committed, you are more or less put in a position of guilt, like when parents stay together for the sake of their children, but when they finally go off to college, the parents get a divorce. When you think you ought to be committed, it is usually because you think it is expected of you. Maybe your friends and family would be disappointed if you were not committed anymore.

            When we are committed, there are six main dimensions that measure the strength of our commitment, they are as follows. We may perceive a rewarding future with this relationship (can anybody say gold-digger?). We may identify with the relationship. We may perceive fewer attractive alternatives. We may share a mutual willingness to exert an effort for the relationship. We may have no issues with investing time in the relationship. And finally, we may accept responsibility for the relationship commitment.

            Obviously commitment is a dyadic process (involves two people). Each person in the relationship can impact the commitment level and commitment perception of the other in the relationship. Clearly commitment must be communicated; otherwise betrayal would be all too common in relationships. Who starts this communication? Speaking about romantic relationships in the college student demographic, I would assume that females would have to initiate a conversation about commitment. After discussing this with peers of both sexes I found out that my assumption was correct. Females are generally worried about their relational partners straying to competing females. Males are generally worried about how they will be able to stray to competing females if they commit! When commitment is communicated, the main concern is reciprocation – does the other commit back? Other than simply stating our commitment and having to worry about reciprocation, pseudo-reciprocation, or refutation; there are many other ways in which we can show our commitment. We can show affection, provide support, maintain integrity (respect the relationship), share companionship, make a noticeable effort to communicate, share respect, create relational futures (anniversaries etc.), create a positive relationship atmosphere, and work together on relational problems.

            Now, personally I have a lot of platonic friendships with females, consequently I have encountered a recurring, distressing question, “How do I know he means it when he says he loves me?” *whiny voice* Well here is your answer ladies – and pay attention guys so you can learn to communicate your commitment as well as I do… We mean it if we communicate our commitment over and over, talk about future relationship rewards, make public statements of our commitment to the relationship (Facebook official), make permanent statements of our commitment (in writing), do things that show significant effort, or if we initiate the communication of our commitment just as often as we respond to it. Eventually you will become one of those disgusting couples who show public displays of affection, talk like babies to one another, and have cute (repulsive) nicknames for each other.

            Once you are in a committed relationship, you are able to milk it for all its worth! This is because commitment impacts persuasion! When we are in a committed relationship there are six things that are most common to try to persuade about; partner’s health advice, partner’s lifestyle advice, change in relationship, change in partner’s political stance, activity sharing, and help. As commitment increases, persuasion style changes from asking → demanding → threatening, and consequently, the more committed we become, the more pressure we feel to accommodate our partners requests.

            Everything to do with commitment is fairly simple and self explanatory, but something that we do not think about often, which is why I thought it would be interesting to share. Some aspects of commitment seem shallow (Social Exchangesque) but I’m going to assume that MOST people want to be committed rather than have, or ought to!