Friends With Benefits

It sounds like a good idea when you’re horny, but just how practical is this type of relationship? It is hard, though not impossible, not to develop feelings for the person you are sleeping with – even if it is only for a bit of fun to start with. You presumably find them attractive and can tolerate being around them for a fairly substantial period of time – there could be worse baselines. However, let’s just think about this situation before we commit.

                The girl/boy next door. Oh, what a fantasy! Hottie moves in next door and you eye each other off constantly, get caught accidentally on purpose, change with the blinds open. Will they? Won’t they? What a wonderful time, cool, playful. Wow you’ve just realized how short the walk of shame is, it’s all coming up Milhouse! You can have a few too many drinks and walk home. What more could you ask for!? Well, you could ask why they haven’t been getting home until 3AM every morning this week (you know this because you’ve been staring at their empty parking space) – way to play it cool, casual, no strings attached.

                If your FWB is an actual friend first, prepare for eternal awkwardness. These situations are meant to be temporary, but how can that be so if you are in the same friendship group and always around each other? How can you maintain the casual nature of the relationship when you are surrounded by, “So what’s going on with you and [so and so]?” That makes you think and thinking is not what FWB relationships are for.

                It may make you feel dirty, but getting up and leaving once you’ve taken care of business will maintain some emotional separation. Sleeping over and cuddling and having breakfast – that’s all for real relationships, leave that to the pros. Now there was an important phrase there – emotional separation – this means there are boundaries. So if you see this person out on a date with someone else, you are not catching them. They are allowed to do things like this, because while they are in a FWB relationship, they are still single.

                Please, please, use contraception. As I said, you guys are both single in this situation. Nobody knows how many other partners there are, how dirty or clean they are, whether or not they are safe with the other ones. You don’t want a baby or a disease from the person you are meant to be staying emotionally detached from.

                If you manage to do all these things – congratulations, you’re probably still going to fall for them. Accept it for what it is and move on because naturally at least one of you is going to catch feelings. This could be good or bad depending on the situation, but if a real relationship isn’t what you’re after, lay ground rules out from day one and don’t hang on to it longer than what feels appropriate.