The Wind Up

“Remember when we used to blah blah blah together? I miss that.”

                

Oh jeez. What an inspiration. The Caitlyn Jenner level of courage it must take to send that text after not talking for several years and ending on bad terms. What actually goes through one’s mind to put this into the air? At what point do you think to yourself, “Yep. Sending this text is a good idea. It’s not creepy or weird or inappropriate at all.”

                

What good can come from that? Do you expect the reader to just respond with some fairytale shit like, “Yeah, I remember. I miss it. I miss you. We deserve another chance together. We owe it to ourselves.” Please. Best case scenario is that you get ignored and you get a chance to pretend that you never sent that message. Worst case is you get a response out of pity. Oh Lord...

                

“I do remember that [insert name here]. But that was a long time ago. I’m with someone else now and I’m happy.” That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it? So now you’re going to act out, call the reader names, call their partner names, tell them your text was a joke to begin with, just generally start acting like a tired child. What are you doing? How bored are you that you choose to instigate this type of drama AGAINST YOURSELF to get the minutes ticking over?

                
If I give you the benefit of the doubt, however, I may be able to find a slight speck of genius hidden in your actions. Maybe you too are in a new relationship. You’ve found someone, you’re pretty happy, but the passion isn’t there. You are a little bored. You would start a fight, but they’ve done nothing wrong. Light bulb – I’ll start a fight with my ex and get it all out of my system. Get my excitement fix. My taste of drama. Kudos on your diabolical relationship management skills and/or blind act of foolish courage. You are hilarious and I am starting to write a sitcom in which the main character is based on you. Now.