Emotional Fluffer

What is a fluffer? A fluffer is a position on a pornography set. The fluffer is employed to keep the talent aroused. Their duties do not always involve touching the stars, but will often involve fellatio or non-penetrative sex. I like to think of a fluffer as a middle man; the kingpin (Talent #1) doesn’t work the corner, they have dealers (the middle man, or fluffer) move the product to the client (Talent #2). If this metaphor doesn’t make sense to you, you’re either not from where I’m from, or you haven’t watched enough movies.

                So how can a fluffer be put into an emotional context? An emotional fluffer is someone (most likely male) who gets a woman emotionally ready for a strictly sexual encounter. Why would a woman need someone like this? Women generally tend to find it harder to separate sex and emotion, so if they find themselves in a “friends with benefits” relationship, they may find it hard to continue with it since there is no emotional aspect. *Enter fluffer* A fluffer is a friend (male) who will get the woman ready (fluff her up) for her sexual encounter by being a boyfriend without the benefits – how ironic. He will hang out with her, eat meals with her, disclose personal information, talk on the phone late at night, fantasize about her, and never even get so much as a kiss. Basically, he will date her so she feels like she there is an emotional aspect to the meaningless sex she will have later with another man.

                Men do not choose to be fluffers, they get appointed to be fluffers, against their will, beyond their comprehension. They do not realize they are a fluffer until they get told by an upstanding citizen who has been observing from a distance for far too long – a true friend. However, it is often too late at this point and the fluffer has caught feelings. The fluffer, confused, must at this point refuse to fluff anymore, but must resist the urge to request to be more than a fluffer. If he catches feelings, why wouldn’t he try to go for what he wants? Because the woman in this situation has not made an executive decision to obtain a fluffer, she has done it subconsciously in an attempt not to lose self-respect for what she perceives to be promiscuous behavior.

               On this subconscious level, the woman is likely attracted to her fluffer, both emotionally and physically. However, she is unable to come to this realization, as she is unable to separate sex and emotion. So as long as she is having sex with the friend with benefits, the fluffer will remain insignificant. Consequently, as long as she is not having sex with the fluffer, she will not realize the emotional connection that they probably share.

                How can she not realize that she is not only unhappy if she has sex without the fluffer, but she is only emotionally satisfied when the fluffer is around to keep her “aroused”? If she just embraced the emotional connection, and added the sexual component, it seems as if she would have herself the recipe for a great romantic relationship. This is true. This is also where she would say something like “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Fluffing ruins friendships. Less fluff, more luff (love…. Ugh).