Crazy Scale

My associates and I have observed quite a significant increase in crazy over the past few weeks/months/years. This outbreak of crazy begs the question – just how hot do you have to be for your crazy to be put up with? The crazy to sexy ratio is much more important for us to know than say, the inventory turnover ratio. Thus the research has been done to inform the uninformed, refresh the absent-minded, and possibly save lives.

                The above graph shows various ratios of crazy to sexy. The descriptions of what each of these lines show is below.

                The red line is the most undesirable of the crazies. This person is sinfully ugly and equally as crazy. How do they expect to meet anyone when they look the way they do and act just as unfortunately? I don’t know. I also don’t know how they justify their level of crazy. Perhaps looking like a mashed banana takes its toll on one’s psyche.

                The green line is the polar opposite of the red line. This person’s sexiness is off the chart, with only a small amount of crazy. What is this small and acceptable amount of crazy? It’s a kind of crazy which allows somebody to take risks and be adventurous – allowing for small sacrifice and a lot of fun in the bedroom. I’d call anyone with a ratio like this a keeper. It is, however, a crying shame that someone like this is about as rare as the signature of William Shakespeare.

                The black line is what most of us encounter. This is what I like to call the onefer phenomenon. Onefer refers to the one for one trend that this line follows. If you are a 1 on a sexy scale of 1 to 10, you will have a matching level of 1 on the crazy scale. This phenomenon says that the more physically attractive someone is to you, the higher the level of crazy you are willing to put up with. In this case, if you are dating someone who is so sexy they are off the chart, beware of their crazy. If you are unfaithful, you may wake up without body parts.

                I hope this helps all the people out there with super high standards who do not realize why they can only meet crazy people. No one has a crazy level of absolute zero, so if you are looking for that, invent a skygrill so you can cook me some bacon when pigs fly. Do yourself a favor and print this graph, stick it in your wallet instead of the photo of your partner, and remind yourself to keep your expectations at a realistic level.