Farting
is not as embarrassing as people make it out to be, so when you pass gas, why
act like you don’t know who did it. Just claim it so we can tell you how much
you stink and then move on.
An
unclaimed fart is like a crop circle – everyone wants to know (or believe they
know) where it came from, but no one will ever know for sure. Men are starting
to get better at admitting it was them, almost to a point of abnormal pride in
their wind output. Women, on the other hand, still try to convince us that they
don’t poop or fart – one of the great fabrications of our generation.
The
thing about this that bugs me is that I know when you are lying about dropping
your guts. Whoever farted always smells it before everyone. A look of extreme
panic takes control of their face as they wonder, “Can anyone else smell this?
Am I going to get caught?” Often they will go with the strategy of smelling it
first and pointing fingers at others. Otherwise they may sit back and act like
they don’t smell it and when someone else smells it they will agree and act
like it is the grossest thing ever. Either way, if you are always in the group
that smells a fart, and you are consistently the one pleading with the group to
believe you are innocent, the judge rules: guilty.
How can
we fix this problem? Common sense would suggest that I don’t need to explain
this, but for all the dimwitted fools, I will make it clear. There are a number
of options: 1 – don’t fart in a group of people, move to a toilet or an outdoor
area to avoid embarrassment if that is something you can’t handle, 2 – admit you
farted, laugh along at the jokes, and let the night continue fart free.
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