We may fall into "coast mode"

We were told in our Interpersonal Communication class that we would, more often than not, analyze communication styles in everyday conversation. Personally, I wasn’t sure if I believed it, but now I do. I have caught myself, on numerous occasions, analyzing communication styles within my own everyday communication, and through various media outlets.

During the first week of school I have noticed so many changes in my own communication due to meeting so many new people. I found that intimacy and relational type have an undeniable influence on what is said and how it is interpreted. Conversational depth and breadth completely changes from the time I first meet someone, to a week later after I have sat with them in class or at lunch, engaged in a number of conversations with them, and disclosed more personal details about myself. Eventually we are able to put labels on our relationship, determining what we can say to each other and how. These labels can place “unwritten rules” on relationships, which can often be associated with restrictions, comfort, stress, or otherwise. Once we become familiar with each other we discover how to decode each other’s messages.

I have found that when I meet new people, content level is very important. I am careful not to talk about anything that may be too personal, upsetting, embarrassing, or anything similar. As relationships develop the content level and relational level generally increase together, but with this some complications may arise. As people become more intimate, they may be under the illusion that the other person in the relationship knows what they mean when they say something and miscommunication may occur. This is when we have the infamous “You should have known what I meant” conversation. Complexities such as the assumption of consistency and simple meaning are common factors in conflict. The assumption of consistency is when one person says something and the receiver of the message assumes that next time they say the same thing; it will have the same meaning. Obviously this is not the case because more often than not, the situation would have changed the next time it is said. When we assume simple meaning, we think that when someone says something, they mean it. The fact is that as the relationship increases, the meanings become farther apart due to comfort levels and increased use of communicational tools such as sarcasm and other things of that nature.

Until conflict or a spark in intensity arise, we may fall into “coast mode” and forget that what people say is not necessarily what they mean. Until an alert is triggered, it is easy to overlook the fact that we are not being lied to; we may have just incorrectly decoded their message, or not decoded it at all. We can be ignorant at times and it is hard to realize when we are, but when we effectively communicate and make it past all the tricky little obstacles, our language and way of communication is easy enough… Right?

I have included the theatrical trailer for “Snatch” because there is such an incredible mix of cultures who get involved with each other and miscommunication is inevitable. It shows many of the aspects of communication that I have discussed and exaggerates the trouble that may come with it!