Same Plane

There are many traits that make us human. Our personalities are made up of a plethora of different factors, each running on their own spectrum. The ‘Big Five’ personality traits are; openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. These are typically what we are measured on when we take personality tests. However, there is more to us than just the big five. If you look at all of us in terms of those traits on top of spirituality, sexuality, emotionality, mentality, physicality, intellect, curiosity, creativity, and ambition – we become quite a bit more complex. How rare is it to cross paths with someone whom we share similar points on the spectrum of all of these traits? And what happens when we do?

                Most of the people you associate yourself with will share many of these traits with you, but we are all individuals, so it is rare that you will share them all. We all develop our personality and character at different rates. A baseline is set early on in life, but we never cease learning, growing, and shaping who we are. Since this happens for everyone at different times/speeds, even if we meet someone we feel like we have everything in common with, that may not always be the case with that specific person. We have the ability to grow into and out of our relationships (romantic and platonic). But when you are lucky enough to meet someone on the same plane as you across all of your traits, that is a connection unparalleled.

                Our lives are filled with small talk, even when we see our best friends we have our conversational warm-up, “What’s goin’ on?” “How’s work/uni?” “How’s the girlfriend/boyfriend?” “What did you get up to on the weekend?” “What’s new?” There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not that these things don’t matter, but when you share more than just common interests you can have a real, deep, conversation with someone and truly get to know them. Debates turn into an understanding and respect of each other’s differences. Chats turn into meaningful, in-depth conversations. You don’t just learn someone’s favourite things, you connect and you have an honest conversation and you understand one another’s innermost qualities and profound characteristics. You share wisdom and become familiar with more than just the surface of this individual. These are the people you talk to for five hours and it feels like 10 minutes. These are the people you trust most to ask for advice. These are the people who energize you to be the best version of yourself.

Pet Peeve #42 – Fridge Foolishness

                Juice. Milk. Water. Any beverage.

                Chocolate bars. Leftovers. Margarine.

                Why leave one sip? One bite? Infinitesimal amounts of anything in the fridge? You couldn’t possibly handle another sip? You were that full and refused to waste that mashed potato? You didn’t want to throw out the container? As long as I search, as much as I try to understand, I simply cannot find the logic in this tomfoolery. Just scrape your plate off and put it in the dishwasher (or wash it in the sink). Just fill your cup up a little more (or take one more sip and then fill it up). Eat your goddamn chocolate bar which is designed for a single serve (or quit buying king sized). What is the point of filling the fridge, one of the best appliances, with miniscule servings of anything? You are destroying a thing of beauty. It is meant for storing meals, not for cooling crumbs. Sort it out.

The Check-In

We have created the “check-in” so that our partners don’t feel the need to “check-up”. In relationships there are boundaries. These boundaries must remain respectful and comfortable for both parties. Now we’ve all experienced or witnessed the badgering questions; “Where are you?” “Who are you with?” “What are you doing?” “How late will you be?” “Why are you with them?” “When did you decide that?” And this type of interrogation can often lead to a bit of resentment, so we have created an alternate channel to keep respect and comfort in tact – “The check-in.”

                In this scenario, the person who is out and about makes the call or sends the text, “Hey sweetie, just finished dinner now headed out for drinks. Love you xx” This way the person who is at home doesn’t need to be ‘bad cop’ and slam their hands on the table throughout the interrogation. It appears as if the caller is volunteering this information freely with a little, “I’m still thinking about you!” attitude, making the partner at home comfortable and satisfied. Truthfully, there is still a little bit of, “I better send this text or else I’ll hear about it later.” in there.

                Each of these options is as bad as the other, since the person going out feels as if they will get punished if they do not comply. In the ideal world I would suggest a mutual respect within a relationship, where you understand that the rules change upon entering said relationship. You are no longer completely an individual; however you are also not completely enmeshed. Social plans with other couples will become a big thing, as will making plans together. However, that time away from each other to be with friends (maybe without the constant check-ins and with trust) is key.