First place. A great accomplishment since the very dawn of
time. First caveman to arrive back at the cave with food got all the cavewomen.
First kid to raise their hand with the correct answer is the smartest kid in
the whole wide world. First in a race – gold medal. First in a dog grooming
contest – blue ribbon. First place is a good thing, but what you come first in
is not always worth congratulations.
If you
are the first person to ever commit mass genocide, do you want a prize? Do you
want congratulations? How about a big “Fuck you, Hitler!” from anyone who ever lived
for the rest of eternity? “I saw her first!” Oh really? You saw her first? In
that case, I’ll just let you have her and I’ll be forever alone. Not going to
happen. “I heard that song before anyone even knew about it.” Whoa bro, maybe
Drake will be your best friend and give you a million dollars. Pick something
meaningful to be first at.
Some
people are so desperate to be first, that they will literally comment “first
like!” on photos and videos. I’m sure if they could comment on comments they
would do that too. Does that honestly make people proud? Does that provide you
with fulfillment? If it does, you need help. I’m going to provide you with a
little help myself (free of charge). Get a hobby – something appropriate, I
know there are some freaks out there who are like, “But I already masturbate.”
I mean a hobby that is generally socially accepted. Anyway, get this hobby.
Practice. Get good at it. Enter a contest. Win a prize. Continue to practice.
Get better scores/times/distances and give yourself a true sense of
accomplishment. “First like!” What a joke.
