Hindsight 20-20

Have you ever looked back on your actions and thought you could have handled a situation a little better than you did? Over the Summer I found myself thinking about my behavior and thinking in retrospect I either shouldn’t have even acted on what I was feeling, or could have acted differently. This was happening way too often and consequently I am now teaching myself to delay gratification and think a little harder and longer before I make decisions.

                Since making a conscious effort to improve my decision making and reduce the chance of future regrets, I have been taking more notice of people embarrassing themselves. Alcohol is not the only reason people act impulsively, I have been witnessing some silly shit in sober situations. How about I share some of this ridiculousness with you?

                I was in the gym working out on a Sunday morning. This is not the time or place to pour your heart out to your best friend about your romantic life. I was lifting on the bench next to them and the kid spotting was talking about how much he loves his girl and that he was thinking of telling her. He then proceeded to tell the guy that the way he felt was “indescribable” and he could see her being his wife. He didn’t even lower his voice while he was saying all of this, there is no way I was the only witness. And hey, good for him, but this is a gym session, not a therapy session.

                Huge, elaborate, bold acts of romance need to start being planned better. If you want to make a scene to get your old girl back, or you want to propose in public; MAKE SURE YOU ARE 100% SURE YOUR GESTURE WILL WORK. It is uncomfortable to watch people getting rejected in public. I don’t like to feel embarrassed for other people.

                Remember that looking back on something, you will always have knowledge that you didn’t have at the time of your actions. To help yourself out, try to get some extra information – or at least make sure that you know you want to do what you are about to do before you act. Everything is so much clearer in hindsight, just keep in mind that there are no rough drafts in real life and actions speak louder than words.

Next Level Narcissism

Just who does our generation think they are? Recently I have experienced behaviors amongst my peers, which have made me question my own personal conduct. Incidentally, my first week of school in my personality psychology class – I learnt that people born in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s have an inordinate fascination with themselves. This is not a coincidence, we have been raised in a world where the losing team also gets a trophy, we get academic certificates for ‘participation,’ and we never saw the letter ‘F’ on our report cards. Self-esteem is important and healthy in the correct amount, but having witnessed narcissistic behavior more and more over the past few years; it has been good to learn of a possible reason for this excessive self love.

                “What behavioral observations have you made to make you accept the above as true?” you might ask. Well, primarily there is an undying obsession with money and the need to be rich. The old saying, “Money doesn’t buy happiness,” is not just a corny anecdote. You can disagree all you want, but my one proof that wealth and happiness are not a package – Hollywood. One of my favorite actors, Will Smith, is currently going through a split with his wife Jada Pinkett. They have no shortage of currency and as happy as they may look in interviews and on the red carpet, behind closed doors was obviously a different story. So, watching people steal, cut off friends and family to become workaholics, and gamble for the chance to make a little bit of extra coin makes me stop to think – where is the line between the desire to be successful and the hunger for money?

                I have become aware that for the people in my generation, individual needs come before everything. This can be a good thing, but it seems to me that our needs are becoming more material than anything, even survival. People will literally stop eating to become thinner, without thinking about how they have been born into such a privileged society and that food should not be taken for advantage. Image has become such a large part of our lives that it can corrupt us, and I don’t just mean our physical image. People are so fixated on the “it’s who you know” phenomenon, that they don’t use who they know for anything useful. They get to skip lines in clubs and get free drinks. They get to post their photos on facebook with their almost-famous friends. And they get to tell stories about the celebrities they met, although there is no proof. Congratulations big-shot, I don’t know how you find so much time to go out every night except Monday, you know, with your big-time job and all. Oh. No?

                Before you get started on occupational status – I’ll get started. Being a student, future careers come up more often than not in conversation. Now, I don’t know exactly what I want to do when my basketball career officially ends, but I have some ideas. However, when I ask people what they want to do, it disappoints me to hear, “Anything, as long as I’m wearing a suit in business class.” Good plan. Your dream job is to dress to match your narcissistic view that you are above anyone around you. I’ve got news for you – you can play dress-up right now without getting paid for it.

                Being a young man engaging in conversations about romantic relationships at least once per day, I have come to realize that we hurt people who love us, and love people who hurt us. The other popular saying that matches this realization is, “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen.” It’s a cold world out there and with the way my generation acts collectively, it won’t be getting any warmer any time soon.

The Imagination Fabrication

There is a largely recurring theme among young and emotional women in today’s society. A theme which I originally thought was linked to loneliness, but seems to be more closely related to, I don’t know, insanity. This theme is the invention of creative anecdotes mostly involving romantic relationships. The fictitious scenarios that these girls manufacture can range from small things such as rumors they say they heard but they really made up, to making an executive decision that they are in a relationship with you when there is really no evidence to support such a claim.

                Personally, I have experienced fabrications like this far too often. It is one thing to say something to test someone and read how they react in the situation, but if it goes past this initial stage and you keep with the story – you will eventually brainwash yourself. Here’s a scenario: A girl gets interested in you and tests you by saying she heard you had a girlfriend. You deny it and end the conversation. However, she wants to continue playing this game and goes on to say she has reliable sources who have told her that you have a girlfriend. Again, you deny these claims and phony sources. Eventually she begins to believe that she really does have these sources and that you really do have a girlfriend. She gets hysterical and her imagination really begins to blossom. Things like “How could you do this to me?” get said and you become confused because a) you don’t have a girlfriend, b) you did nothing to her, and c) she is acting like she has been cheated on – when did a relationship form? Who knows – she is the only one in a relationship at this point.

               As I stated in the introduction, I thought loneliness was a key factor in the construction of these dramatic chronicles. However, all of us get lonely at times, but we deal with it in ways that do not affect the lives of others. Normal ways to deal with loneliness/boredom are (and this may come as a shock to you crazies out there): calling a friend to hang out, watching TV, playing video games, cooking – you know, things that regular people do.

                These people make for entertaining stories for your friends, however things can get serious. I believe that these are the opening stages that stalkers go through. Followed by the following and then eventually the stealing and sniffing of underwear. So as it might be funny for a little while, try not to give out your number or address – unless you’re an adrenaline junkie who is afraid of extreme activities like bungee jumping or skydiving.

The Approval

When we start seeing a new girl/guy, we will eventually have them meet our friends to find out whether or not they approve. There is a huge difference however, in the way that guys show their approval and the way that girls show their approval.

                When a girl introduces a new man to her friends for the first time, they will analyze the situation during the meeting and prepare themselves for what she believes the gossip will be afterwards. Signs women tend to look for are whether or not the guy can make her friends laugh. If he can succeed in this, it is a huge sign of approval. If he can get the group engaged in stimulating and appropriate topics of conversation, the group will naturally think he is charming. It is better for him to act too familiar and make it seem like he has been around since the birth of the group than for him to seem like an introverted loner.

                The girl will know if the guy has been approved from a couple of different ways. One is if the group lets her leave with him instead of making her stay with them and making him leave alone. If this is the case they are probably expecting the girl to take him to bed. The other way is the obvious gossip the next time the girls all meet up. They will either talk about how charming the guy is and how much they love him and how perfect the two are together, or it will be a cyclone of insults, reasons not to see him again, and general bitchiness. Either way however, the girl is probably just going to give the guy a chance since they value the chance of meeting ‘the one’ so highly.

                Guys on the other hand are a little simpler. The sheer natural shallowness of the male species will allow an instant approval/disapproval. As soon as the boys see the new lady friend, there will be a nod or a wink, nothing, or a “what the fuck are you thinking” face. Only the nod will be acceptable. If it is either of the other options, the visit will be cut short – although the relationship may not be. However, if the ever-so-cherished nod is given, it will be a long and relaxed group date. The minute the girl has to go to the bathroom, a barrage of sexual comments will be made, followed by a quick, “and she seems cool too!” Approval acknowledged.

                Now guys like to learn things the hard way. As I have said in the past, guys are good advice givers, not takers. Consequently, if the guys say anything negative like, “pursuing a relationship with this new girl is a bad idea and it will not end well,” we certainly will not listen (at least not until we have had sex with her). However, after sex it is too late – many females can take intercourse as some sort of exclusivity agreement and assume that you take it the same way. Some don’t even need sex to mentally construct this agreement. From here disaster strikes and there are no short cuts or safe routes to escape.

                The moral of this story? We like to think that our friends are influential in who we pursue romantic relationships with, but in the long run we are going to follow our hearts/genitals, not our brains. Sometimes this works out, sometimes it doesn’t. But it makes for a great story time and a life full of drama and excitement that one could write a book on, or maybe a blog.

Don't Be That Guy

Here are some of the most annoying things guys do:

Bitch: This is so entertaining. We complain about how bitchy women can be, then we go hang out with our friends and bitch all day, how ironic. We bitch about our professors, coaches, friends, girlfriends, sideline hoes, regular hoes –anything. Some of us bitch on the phone, some update statuses, some tweet, some subtweet, and some write blogs – pathetic right? The worst thing is that a bitchy guy probably bitches more than a bitchy girl, and we are probably harder to shut up.

Blackmail: Every guy out there has naked picture of at least a few girls on his phone. You girls are stupid enough to send them to us, and when we stop ‘talking’ sometimes we may get our feelings hurt and get a little bitter. Then threats start coming out about releasing the pictures you sent us (which, by the way, all of our friends have already seen). What are we threatening for? To win you back.. Good strategy.

Aight yo, I’ll see you: We just leave anywhere, at anytime, without any notice. Where are we going? Who knows. Will we tell you later? No, and probably for good reason. But just bailing on a group of friends/people randomly without saying if you’re coming back is not cool. It’s annoying.

Never pay back: We always go out and somehow forget our wallet. We promise to pay you back, and suddenly 5 years go back and you’ve bought us so many lunches that if you never met us you could have bought a small business by now.

Play games: We will be the first to complain about a girl who is playing games with us, but we will also be the first to use a girl to get another girl. All we need to do is ask the girl out, but instead we take the scenic route and hurt another girl in the process. We do this because being egotistical clowns is in our DNA.

Never use our own advice: We will add our 2 cents to every conversation, act like professionals in any situation, give advice, and never do any of the things that we tell other people to do. As much as you ladies out there don’t like to admit it, we can give some really good advice, what we can’t do is use our own advice for self preservation.

Get emotional: When something happens to us that we think is catastrophic, we become inconsolable. Girls like an emotional guy since so many of us hide our emotions (which they hate), but this does not mean they want a guy drooling and crying all over them. Go ahead and read my other post “The Hollywood Effect”. It does not only relate to women. Romeo and Juliet is a movie – do not attempt to re-enact it in real life, they were trained professionals.

Stalk: Sometimes they physically stalk. A number of friends of mine have had to get restraining orders on crazy guys. But I’m talking about things that I see on a semi-regular basis – Facebook stalking. Sitting down for hours on end going through profiles of girls, looking at their photos, checking their relationship status, seeing who they talk to, etc. Again check my previous post “Doin’ Too Much” and insert this in there – guys do too much too.

Now lastly, check my previous post “How We Drive Our Girls Crazy” and you will realize that ALL of those points should be included in this post too.

Cougartown

The accomplishment of bagging an older woman is no longer just a passing fad, but a cultural phenomenon. Your boys will give you full bragging rights and hang on to your every word as you tell them how it all went down during the cougar-hunt. Conversely, is it an accomplishment for a woman to bag a younger man? And why does it seem to get easier for us as young men to bag older women? Today I bring you the answers.

                Are younger men different to older men? Of course they are. Every generation is going to have both similarities and differences. The main difference that our generation has over the older is that our mothers have been empowered women with a voice in not only the family, but in society. With a strong woman as a mother, we are brought up with a different respect for women than our elders.

                What do we want in an older woman other than bragging rights? Well an older woman has already established herself financially and mentally. If she wants kids – she already has them. She already has a career/money, so we don’t need to worry about these gold digging bitches snatching our credit cards. She should be mature enough to have realized that the ‘fairy tale’ wedding and all the bullshit that comes with it is only for celebrities – so we just get good food, fine wine, and experienced sex. Winning.

                Does the older woman gain advantages with the younger man? Yes, along with disadvantages. The advantages are that we have no baggage, we have so much love and respect that you are in your sexual prime, and we are at our most confident. Disadvantages are that this confidence will most likely lead us to stray because we think we are invincible and that we will not get caught. Our ego fluctuation between high and low is so unpredictable that at times you may have to treat us like the children we are so we don’t begin to sulk. And being with a younger man you may start to fear that we will leave you as you begin to age. However, if you are a strong and confidence woman (which you are, since that is the reason we are looking for cougars) and you are in a real relationship – you have nothing to worry about.

                I don’t know how many older readers I have out there since this is aimed mainly at college students, but at least now you have an idea why we get so excited about women who (like fine wine) get better with age.

A Mestivus for the Restivus

Some guys just mess up everything for the rest of us. From what I can figure out, it’s one of two things these clowns are doing to destroy women for future recruiting. We are tired of crazy girls, so stop turning regular girls crazy (for arguments sake we will assume there are regular girls out there).

When guys with zero confidence try to run game on a broad, they forget how rapidly egos can grow (just as rapidly as they can self destruct). These guys are the ones that hype the girl up so much because they are trying to look like a nice guy and wind up turning her into an evil, vindictive, blood sucking runt. Yeah, we’ll stick with runt. These guys are so surprised they are talking to this girl (whom they have obviously placed upon the tallest of pedestals) that they keep telling them; “Oh, you’re so beautiful,” “You could have anyone you wanted,” “You deserve the best,” “You should be treated like a princess.” All this does is make her realize she shouldn’t even be wasting her time talking to your sad ass, and then when another dude rolls up she thinks she is too good to talk to him. *NEWSFLASH* you aren’t that special. There are a million girls out there better than you, and you were one of them before you started acting so full of yourself. And the girls I’m talking about aren’t reading this because they are too busy googling themselves and taking photos of themselves pouting. Idiots.

The other scenario is when a girl gets cheated on or abused in a relationship and then makes an executive decision that every guy is the same. We understand that is some tough shit to go through and it takes a while to get over it (if you get over it at all), but if you are going to keep complaining to new guys about old shit, they are going to get tired of it. Yeah, you’re cute and all that so we want to talk to you, but when we ask to hang out and you start crying about all these irrelevant issues, we are going to call our boys as soon as you leave and tell them you’ve got wayyyy too many skeletons for our liking. There is such a thing as too much self-disclosure, and issues as deep as these do not need to be disclosed early in a relationship and if you start placing that label on us our sympathy will decline – quickly. I know I can’t do anything to stop guys from cheating – shit happens, but you have to quit the abusive bullshit, that’s fucked up.

I don’t know which scenario is more likely, but I know that you girls out there strutting around like you own the world have to slow down, and you girls still freaking out about past events – maybe you just aren’t ready to talk to guys yet. Sympathy is there for the latter, but you uppity girls out there acting like you are allergic to people because you are above them – calm down before karma catches up to you.